Starting Primal over

Hey y’all,

So so much for 6 weeks, if I had continued I would’ve been there, but 2/3 weeks in I fell off the wagon. Some stuff happened in life, then I had no money. But I have made some changes. I went to the doctor a week ago and weighed 207 on one scale then 220 on another one the same day. I’m more inclined to believe the heavier weight because my jeans don’t fit right at the moment. I have to get another blender, but I’m starting over, and I’m gonna get back to clean eating so I can be ‘winning’ like Tamar. It really would be nice to experience not being fat at some point in my adult life.

6 weeks Primal day 25

I’ve had some weird life situations in the past few days, and have been completely ignoring the lifestyle, but I am planning to get back to it today. I definitely am discouraged, though. But I know that persistence is what will get me to my goals, not having success all at once.

Dating is one thing that makes self improvement really hard, because when it goes all wrong, it makes you feel worthless. I hate realizing that even though I’m a good person I’m invisible to 99.9% of people out there because of how I look. On one hand that makes me want to change, but on the other hand that makes me want to say fuck everybody, and do what I want, and resign to just expect to be single the rest of my life. The doctor calling me fat didn’t make me feel any better either.

6 weeks primal day 19

Whoa I’m almost halfway there already!! I cheated a lot this week, I had all sorts of stuff i wasn’t supposed to have, but it wasn’t gratifying at all. I felt really bad on Thursday of last week, and I got some fake oreos from whole food, but ate a few and decided to throw the box away. I feel like that is a small victory, as opposed to binge eating and making myself sick. As well, my stomach flips out each time I eat something I’m not supposed to.

I went to the doctor today, and weighed 213. Last time I weighed myself this summer I weighed 220. That’s not much of a difference, but I have had more tangible evidence that I am getting smaller. I am using a smaller belt notch, and one of my friends noticed I looked smaller. I have also noticed myself that I am smaller which is awesome.

Something not so great that happened, is that my doctor repeatedly said that I was ‘heavyset’ and only asked if I exercise, which I do. It is irritating because this is my first time seeing her, and she doesn’t know what I am or am not doing to lose weight. On one hand it made me feel like shit, but on the other hand I was like I need to go hard and be perfect, and up my exercise so when I see her again in two weeks, I’ll have number evidence that I am doing something right with my life.

I’ve been eating more meat. At this point I’ve only tried chicken and pork. I don’t feel guilty about it anymore, but I still prefer some sort of seafood. I have also been drinking a lot less.

6 weeks primal day 11

I didn’t have any cravings today. I ate some almonds, and had some tea with a pack of sugar. At the moment I’m drinking some wine (I know), but I’m planning a sober weekend because I have a ton of work to do. I was waiting to eat because I was supposed to be going on a date, but I don’t think that is going to happen, so I’m going to get some food when I go out later.

6 weeks primal day 10

I’ve been super bad about posting everyday. I’ve thought about it every day but I haven’t done it yet. I’ve been eating pretty well. Yesterday I had some food that had a couple pieces of sweet potato in it that I ate, and I’ve had some honey greek yogurt a couple times.

As far as how I’m feeling, I am coming out of my cold finally. I love that I can be hungry, but not feel like I’m gonna die if I don’t eat immediately. I also like feeling in control of what I put in my body. On Monday, I even craved an apple! I’ve been eating a ton of salad.  That is only because I don’t want to do any extensive cooking, and salads are easy.

Before I started, my stomach had been incessantly upset, but almost immediately everything returned to normal. This weekend, I think the combination of drinking and taking dayquil did a number on me though, but that is my own fault. On Friday night I had quite a few drinks (A bottle of 6% APV wine, with 2 shots worth of rum, then two mojitos while I was out), and when I was out I had a cheese quesadilla that was more like an empanada. I totally didn’t think about what I was and wasn’t supposed to be eating. I need to work on not drinking as much. However, before I was having wine most days of the week, really just because I could (I just turned 21 a couple months ago), but my stomach doesn’t like it.

I’ve still been eating mostly fish. I only eat once or twice a day though, so its not like I’m having 12 oz of fish a day, but I’ll have it maybe once or twice, but sometimes I just eat eggs or some nuts or fruit. I tried some chicken on Tuesday. I got it from the hot bar at Whole Foods. I felt so incredibly guilty. I was vegetarian for four years, then last October started eating fish. I felt bad because I didn’t know for sure where the chicken came from, and whether it had a decent quality life. Also, it just felt wrong. I did get nauseous after, but I don’t know if it is because of the chicken or that I recently stopped my antidepressant after tapering for a little bit. Either way, I’m not sure about the meat thing. I thought because I loved fish I’d wouldn’t mind eating other dead things, but it just messes with my head.

All day today I’ve really wanted to cheat. I have kept reminding myself that I’m doing six weeks. I also don’t own a scale or intend to get one. I was bouncing around between 215 and 220 this summer, and I am going to the doctor next Friday, so maybe they’ll weigh me there.

Sidetrack: 6 weeks primal day 3

Eating went well on day 1, I had a salad for lunch and dinner. I had tea with a little squirt of honey in it in the evening so that I could have some caffeine because I had reading to do.

Day 2, I started feeling ill. I accidentally had 2 pieces of candy then remembered that I wasn’t supposed to eat it while eating the second one. Aunt Flo is also visiting, so I had some caveman cookies, and some of a dark chocolate bar, and I had a larabar which has primal ok ingredients. I know I’m not supposed to eat sugar, but these are usually the few days out of the month that I allow myself to eat unashamedly. My general eating was also as it was supposed to be. I also had some orange juice because I’m sick. I had a bite of smoked salmon for breakfast because i was running out of the door. I had a salad for lunch with vegetables and stuff.

Day 3 I’m sick. I haven’t eaten yet today, although I do have an appetite, which makes me feel kind of guilty for missing class. But I woke up feeling like I couldn’t even move, and I definitely am sick. I hope that choosing to rest instead of trying to push it in class will help me heal sooner. Since I’m supposed to eat more protein, I’ve been eating fish multiple times a day. I don’t know how I feel about eating meat. I hypothetically wouldn’t mind eating a cow that was raised in a field eating only grass, or a chicken raised the same way. Or eating whatever chickens are supposed to eat, but I don’t want to get used to eating meat because when I’m not preparing it myself I can’t know where it came from.

 

Just realized I accidentally posted to the wrong blog.

Episode 7

Works in Progress:

Color Affection by Veera Valimaki Shawl using Berroco Vintage DK

Works in Progress – not discussed:

Sweet William by Alicia Plummer using Quince & Co. Tern

Rotation Rib Socks by Lisa Beamer using Knit Picks Stroll

Oana Shawl by Kirsten Kapur using Stonehedge Fiber Mills Shepherd’s wool

Hue Shift Afghan by Kerin Dimeler-Laurence using Lion Brand Wool-Ease

Casu Cowl by Galia Lael using Berroco Comfort

Spectra by Stephen West using Knit Picks Gloss

Hermione’s Everyday Socks (formerly Level Up Socks) using Knit Picks Felici

Inspira Cowl by Graphica using Lion Brand Amazing

Finished Objects:

None today

Resources: